


wishing on a star

by novocaine_sea



Category: Free!
Genre: Angst, Hanahaki Disease, M/M, Unrequited Love, post ep6
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-16
Updated: 2018-08-16
Packaged: 2019-06-28 10:33:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,098
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15705468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/novocaine_sea/pseuds/novocaine_sea
Summary: “You don’t have to wish on stars to make dreams come true!”Hiyori wishes anyway.





	wishing on a star

**Author's Note:**

> Oops?   
> I'm officially on board the "protect Tono Hiyori" train but... I love angst so :)

There is nothing that Hiyori wants more in this world than for Ikuya to be happy. He sees him struggling, especially after his encounter with Nanase Haruka on the bridge. Hiyori wants him to forget but Ikuya has a hard time letting go.

“Please...” Hiyori whispers to himself as he watches Ikuya swim, the stopwatch in his hand. His time is worst, his strokes are sloppy. Hiyori wants him to take his mind off of it. It’s easier said than done. 

“You don’t have to wish on stars to make dreams come true!” He shouts one night, Ikuya curled up on the slide in the playground, reminiscing. Ikuya doesn’t listen. He shoves him. Hiyori’s almost sure he’s going to fall. He watches Ikuya go, his words in response stinging like fresh wounds. 

Hiyori doesn’t see Ikuya for the next few days. Ikuya doesn’t come to practice and when Hiyori shows up at his apartment, Ikuya isn’t there. Hiyori checks everywhere, but he’s at a loss. Where had he gone?

Ikuya shows up a day or so later at practice. At that point, Hiyori is ready to call the police and put in a missing persons claim. Hiyori grabs him by the shoulders and shakes him, asking where he’s been. His voice is laced with worry and he’s a little frantic. His heart is racing. Just where had Ikuya been?

“Don’t worry about it,” Ikuya mumbles, but there’s a tiny smile on his face.

Hiyori’s lips part in surprise and he steps back. Ikuya gets in the water and snaps his goggles into place. Hiyori makes for the stopwatch out of habit. He’s in complete shock when Ikuya takes off and it’s the best he’s done in weeks. 

Just where had Ikuya been?

(The seeds plant themselves in his lungs.)

***

Ikuya seems happier. He smiles more. He’s doing better with his swimming. He still won’t tell Hiyori what happened. In fact, he barely speaks to Hiyori at all. Hiyori watches him leave practice each day but he never goes back to his apartment. For once, Hiyori doesn’t follow him. He leaves him be. 

If Ikuya wants him to know where he’s been, he would’ve told him. Hiyori needs to remember he can’t follow Ikuya to the end of the world. Sometimes... he has to let him be.

Ikuya continues on the path of happiness and Hiyori feels as if he’s sinking deeper and deeper into something dark. There’s nothing he can do to make it better. He wants his best friend back. Is this even a friendship? Hiyori isn’t sure. He’s confused. Has everything he’s done for Ikuya been for naught?

“Hiyori,” Ikuya says to him at practice one day. Hiyori turns to face him, hopeful. Maybe they’ll finally do something. 

“Don’t wait up for me.” 

Hiyori’s face falls as Ikuya turns around again to dive back into the water and continue his swimming. The water consumes him beautifully. He has perfect form. He’s not pushing himself as much.

_ What happened to you, Ikuya? _

Hiyori does something he said he wasn’t going to: he follows Ikuya after practice. He knows he shouldn’t but it’s the only way to find out what’s been going on. Who or what is making Ikuya improve so much, and why hadn’t Hiyori been able to get through to him?

Hiyori maintains his distance from Ikuya as they walk through the streets. He’s a little surprised when Ikuya turns into a coffee shop; Hiyori had invited him to a cafe a week or two ago but Ikuya hadn’t been up for it. What’s gotten into him?

Hiyori casually walks by, looking out of the corner of his eyes. Ikuya sits there, with four other people. He recognizes them. It’s Ikuya’s friends from middle school, but most importantly, he’s sitting across from Nanase. The same guy who Hiyori had told him to stay away from. 

Hiyori stops and stares into the window with a crestfallen expression. They don’t see him.

(The seeds explode as they sprout, blossoming in his lungs and creeping up his throat. It’s uncomfortable, but he’ll live).

***

“Where have you been going, Ikuya?” Hiyori finally asks one day, catching Ikuya before practice begins. Ikuya stares at him and a small smile crosses his face as he loses himself in thought. 

“Don’t worry about it,” he repeats, as he has many times before. Hiyori  _ will  _ worry about it. It’s all Hiyori has been thinking about!

“Please,” Hiyori begs, a little pathetically. He latches onto Ikuya’s wrist, “I... miss you.”

Ikuya’s face contorts into something unreadable. He looks a little guilty. He sighs and doesn’t make to wrench his wrist away. “If you want, you can come with me tonight. There’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you.” 

Hiyori blinks. “O-Okay.” He’ll take what he can get, at least. He just wants to be close to Ikuya again. He feels... lost without having his best friend by his side.

Hiyori is anxious all of practice. He feels even more lost than before. The anticipation for what’s to come is killing him; where is Ikuya bringing him? Why now after all these days of asking him where he’s been going? 

Hiyori walks behind Ikuya as they leave practice. He’s following him, but with consent and at close distance now. Ikuya doesn’t say anything, but looks over his shoulder every now and then to make sure Hiyori is still there. His face looks soft against the setting sun and Hiyori wants to reach out and touch him. But every time he makes to do so, Ikuya turns to face forward again. 

They stop in front of the same coffeeshop that Hiyori had seen Ikuya in with his middle school friends. Hiyori stops in his tracks as Ikuya makes to go inside.

“You coming?” Ikuya asks and Hiyori swallows around a lump in his throat, walking in behind him. His friends cheer but clearly grow apprehensive around Hiyori. Ikuya doesn’t know about Hiyori’s confrontation with them. Hiyori wants to keep it that way.

“Hey,” Ikuya says as he takes a seat beside Nanase. Hiyori doesn’t expect him to do that and he tentatively pulls up a chair to the table. All of the guys are looking as if he’s grown ten heads.

“Ikuya...” The redhead says, giving the side eye to Hiyori. Hiyori is as stiff as a board, keeping his eyes on Ikuya. It’s clear that nobody understands what’s happening, though Hiyori is under the impression that he’s not in on some kind of joke. 

It’s a terrible feeling. 

Ikuya bites his lip and looks at all his friends, Hiyori included. He’s clenching his fists under the table, Hiyori can tell by his stature. 

“So, um,” Ikuya coughs awkwardly, eyes landing on Hiyori. “Haru and I are... together...”

“Like.... boyfriends?” The redhead asks. Hiyori doesn’t know his name and kind of doesn’t care, because his  _ best friend _ , who maybe he had a tiny little crush on, is in a relationship with the person who crushed him. With the person who was holding him back the most.

“Yes,” it’s Nanase who speaks up, a small smile on his own face. 

Hiyori coughs at the same time his heart shatters. He feels the lump in his throat shoot up and something falls on his tongue. He covers his mouth and gets up, leaving the coffee shop.

(Petals, on his tongue. Bright yellows and orange. Marigolds. Grief. Pain.)

***

It gets worse, his condition. At first it was just a few petals here and there, but as the weeks passed and Ikuya starts being more open with everybody around him, Hiyori grows jealous. The petals come more frequently. On especially bad days he’ll wake up with petals on his pillow. He bats them into the garbage and tries to forget.

It becomes increasingly hard to hide them, as whenever he coughs they pour from his throat. Hiyori tries to swallow them back down but sometimes there are too many that he vomits petals. He often excuses himself from class or practice to keel over the toilet or a garbage can, heaving and looking as saliva slick petals fall from between cracked lips. 

He can’t keep living like this.

Hiyori looks at his options. He could get surgery, but then his feelings, and possibly even Ikuya himself will be removed from his memory. From his heart. But if he lets the disease progress, then he’ll die. 

Maybe death is better than forgetting his feelings.

“You’re doing well,” Hiyori tells Ikuya at practice. It’s the last one before a big event, one that Hiyori knows Nanase will be at. He doesn’t want to see him and he definitely does not want to see the two of them cozied up together. Hiyori chokes on a cough and wheezes as he breathes in.

“You okay?” Ikuya asks, eyebrows pinched as he listens to Hiyori wheeze.

Hiyori laughs a little and waves a hand in front of his face, “Perfect.”

Ikuya eyes him but doesn’t say anything else as he snaps his goggles into place. They’re already in the water, in two lanes side by side. They had always been side by side.

So then why had Ikuya chosen somebody other than him? 

Hiyori coughs and wipes his mouth, flower petals dragging with it. He quickly dips himself under to wash them away. He doesn’t need a reminder. Not in front of Ikuya, or the whole team. 

“Are you sure you’re alright?” Ikuya questions again when Hiyori resurfaces.

“I’m fine.” Hiyori places his own goggles over his eyes. “Let’s go.” He kicks off from the wall and begins his strokes, going as fast as he can push himself to go. His breathing is labored every time he comes up from air and he makes the mistake and coughing as he comes up for a breath. Petals sprinkle the water as he goes until Hiyori chokes so bad that he just. Sinks. He sinks. 

He vaguely hears his name called over the rush of water in his ears and the petals lodged in his throat that he desperately wants out. He doesn’t feel Ikuya’s arms around him or the breaking of water. Petals stream from his lips and everybody stares in shock. Ikuya shakes him but Hiyori is unconscious.

(He dreams of saving Ikuya and the irony of it all. The roots start growing to his heart.)

***

Hiyori puts his brief stint in the hospital behind him. He avoids Ikuya. Maybe if he tries to forget on his own, the petals will stop coming and he won’t have to forget at all. He can move past this on his own. 

It doesn’t quite work like that.

One night Hiyori finds himself at the pool by himself. He floats on his back and stares up at the open glass roof of the pool. He can see the sky from where he floats, albeit a little blurry without his glasses. But he can see the stars crystal clear.

Once upon a time he had told Ikuya that he didn’t have to wish upon stars to make his dreams come true.

But Hiyori floats there and wishes, with all the petals filling the water around him, that he will get better. That Ikuya will learn to love him someday, hopefully before this disease consumes him.

“I wish...” Hiyori coughs and more petals spill into the water.

(His wish does not come true. More petals, more petals, more petals...)

***

Hiyori gets the surgery. Ikuya had told him to; after seeing all those petals, how was Hiyori supposed to deny he was sick?

“Who is it?” Ikuya kicks the water one afternoon. It was just the two of them, for a change. Ikuya didn’t run off to Nanase for a change. Maybe he felt guilty for leaving Hiyori alone all this time.

“Don’t worry about it,” Hiyori mumbled to him, as stared at his reflection in the water. He was pale, skinny; he didn’t look good. He wanted to be happy again.

So he gets the surgery. The stems, roots, petals are removed from his lungs. They filled him up just like water. There were so many that the doctors told him when he woke up that he would’ve died if he didn’t get the surgery that day.

Hiyori is relieved, but he doesn’t know why. He can’t remember. What happened?

“I’m glad you’re okay,” Ikuya visits.

Hiyori stares at him, “Thanks.” He pauses and blinks a few times. “Who are you?”

Ikuya stares first in confusion, then shock, then finally understanding. It was him all along. 

He did this to Hiyori.

**Author's Note:**

> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/novocaine_sea) || [Tumblr](http://novocaine-sea.tumblr.com/)


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